I had this thought of what my life would be like when I grow up. At first this thought was that I was going to be a princess and have my very own kingdom to rule. Then it turned into marrying a rich awesome guy and travelling the world. Later it was more realistic. I would go to university, makes loads of friends, meet "the one", get my degree, get a job, get married, have children etc. This was the dream.
The reality was then somewhat different and somewhat the same. I did go to university, made a lot of friends, met a guy who I figured I would marry, got my degree. The expectation was that the other things would follow. But then I shook things up a little. I realized that I do not want to marry this guy and I wanted to continue studying. So I was single and still studying.
Today I am a 25 year old single student. The notion was that by 25 I would be married, or at least close to married, and have a job, a house, etc. But the thing is, I am happy that my life didn't fit into the template I have created for it so long ago.
It was hard at first. I found myself alone and not knowing where my life would be heading. I wanted to crawl in the corner and cover myself with a blanky until the scary part was over and I was happy again. Or until things went back the way they were. Where it was safe and I knew what would happen next. And suddenly my expectations was way bigger than my reality. And my life didn't look good anymore because it wasn't what I always wanted it to be like. And that is the way I chose it. I was angry at myself for ruining the life that was so well on track. I tried to salvage the tatters of what was left of the picture perfect life. It blew up in my face and I was even more unhappy and crushed.
I then started to take things day for day. I made new friends, started new hobbies, and just lived my life and pretended to be happy. But somewhere along the way, I wasn't pretending anymore. I was actually happy. I found myself again and I found who I am in God.
Since I have made the decision to not do what the "Afrikaner" tradition taught me every young woman should do, I have done more than I could ever dream of!
I started scuba diving, hiking, river rafting, travelling etc. To my parents these concepts are foreign. The didn't do things like this, and never wanted to. There is so much I want to do and experience.
I am sure I will meet the right guy somewhere along the way, but for now, I am enjoying life and not waiting around for my life to start. And even if meeting him is not in the cards for me, I know I will be okay because I am actually happy.
Once you find your inner joy (which God has put into each of us with loving care) and give away to others the love that God bestows upon you, you will be happy.
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. He will give you what you need in combinations with your dreams... Always fill your sky with castles. The are nice to look at even if you can't live in them.
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